By Falco Rockbert
Leeds resident, John Mahoney, 43, who denied that
President Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, began to question his own birth and
thought himself out of existence.
John had been questioning Obama’s birthplace for years
now, according to friends and family, despite evidence that confirmed Obama was
born in Honolulu, Hawaii. “He just
wouldn’t listen,” said Mary Mahoney, his visibly distraught wife. “It was ridiculous, of course, but John’s a
stubborn man. I didn’t think it would
lead to this.”
Mary said she tried to get her husband off this
conspiracy theory numerous times. They
examined Obama’s long form birth certificate and local Hawaiian newspapers that
announced the president’s birth to no avail.
When Dr. Amazing allowed the one-time trip to 1961 Honolulu for
journalists, politicians, and civilians who won a lottery (approved by the
president and done by Dr. Amazing to stop the thousands of daily requests to go
back to that time), Mary entered their names.
They were selected, and the Mahoneys and a friend went back in
time. “That trip cost us $10,000,” said
his friend, Travis Buckner, “and he still didn’t believe it. I mean, he saw Obama actually being born in
Honolulu, and [he] still denied it.”
When they returned home, nothing could persuade John, and
that was when Mary and his friends had had enough. “I can’t remember exactly what was said,” his
wife said, “but Travis was livid. He
said something like, ‘Well, how do you know you were born where you said you
were? How do you know you weren’t born
in China?’ Then John just got really
quiet and took a walk.”
Weeks passed as friends say John was a different
person. “He was quieter than normal,”
said his neighbor, Carl Masterson.
“Usually he’s talking your ear off, but he just didn’t talk. He seemed shaken.”
Mary remembered he took walks alone and stared, blankly,
at the TV. The last few days, he stayed
home from work, sick. He had a fever and
vomited and mumbled to himself. “He said
something like, ‘How do I know I’m not Chinese?
I really like Panda Express,’” said Mary. “I thought he was just having a hard time
facing reality, like it was a physical reaction. I thought he’d get over it eventually, but it
just got worse.”
Last night, John started to violently tremble. Mary dialed 911, and on the phone recording,
John could be heard saying, “I can’t prove that I exist. Therefore, I don’t exist.” According to Mary, John seemed to fold in on
himself, forming a single dot, and then he was gone with an audible blip. John
Mahoney had thought himself out of existence.
Dr. Amazing and ATOM Labs scientists examined the
Mahoneys’ residence for clues but found none. “I’ve never seen or heard anything like this
before,” said Dr. Amazing. “I’ve always
respected the power of the human mind, but this is just incredible! I mean, it’s tragic, of course, but this is
just so fascinating. I have no idea what
happened here!”
Mary is staying with her mother in White Valley while the
investigation continues. It’s unknown
whether her husband’s life insurance policy covers this as it could be
construed as a suicide and therefore ineligible for benefits.
President Obama had no comment.
