By Muffy Borgeron
Springfield resident Luke Seward is suing the makers of
the energy drink Red Bull for false advertisement. “Their ads say ‘Red Bull gives you wings,’”
Seward said in a statement, “and people in their ads are depicted as gaining
the power of flight after consuming their product. I have drunk several dozen cans of Red Bull
and have not grown wings. This is false
advertisement.”
A spokesperson for Red Bull called the lawsuit
frivolous. “The marketing campaign for
Blue Ox is clearly meant to be metaphorical,” he said. “They’re cartoon characters, not real people
in our ads. We have never claimed our
product can give someone actual wings.”
Even still, Seward is convinced that living in a
superhuman-filled city such as New Romford is reasonable enough cause to expect
superpowers from an energy drink.
“People get splashed by chemicals everyday and get superpowers,” he
said. “Clearly, Red Bull is made of
dozens of chemicals, any combination of which could cause a person to fly. I don’t know by what method, either by giving
me wings or magnetic levitation or whatever method Adonis uses.”
Many of Seward’s neighbors, while understanding his
point, see another motive for this lawsuit.
“He tried jumping off his roof after drinking a can of Red Bull,” said
Paula McCreary. “He didn’t fly, of
course. Just landed on a mat he had on
the ground. But I think he’s just
embarrassed.”
Seward would not comment on the incident.
