Ask Julia: Alternate Timeline vs. Alternate Dimension

By Julia Crumpleman

Today’s question comes from Doris:

Dear Julia, what’s the difference between an alternate timeline and an alternate dimension?  I keep hearing it on the news, but they don’t explain it very well, and nothing on the internet helps me.  Are they different from parallel universes?  Thank you kindly.

Ah, that’s a tricky one, Doris.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t quite understand it all myself.  Dr. Amazing has a web-series that tries to explain all about the multiverse and the space-time continuum, but most of it flies over my head.  (It also doesn’t help that Dr. Amazing seems to only speak in eight-syllable words when discussing physics, but that’s another thing entirely.)

But I do know enough that I think can help.  Basically, alternate timelines exist within our universe while alternate dimensions/parallel universes (which are the same thing more or less) are not our universe.  An alternate timeline is when some event in history went a different way which altered the course of our universe.

For instance, Hellena was just in the news recently, and she’s an alternate timeline version of Titana.  In Hellena’s timeline, Napoleon had conquered all of Europe and drove the Amazons into Hades.  Then, she sacrificed herself to save her people and became possessed by demons (hence the horns, red skin, and impractical clothing).  One of Titana’s adventures brought her to this timeline, and somehow Hellena followed her to our timeline.  Hellena can’t return to her world unless our timeline is changed to resemble hers, which is another difference between the two.

Alternate dimensions can exist completely on their own.  They run by themselves, and without a portal generator, we can’t change their universes.  Think of one as being about space and the other being about time.  It can get tricky sometimes, I know, since alternate dimensions can act almost exactly like alternate timelines, but it’s really about self-sustainability.  Apparently, there’s some variation between alternate dimensions and parallel universes, but then we’re delving into the deep, deep stuff.  I recommend reading some of Dr. Amazing’s books for further illumination.

Happy trails, Doris!

NRPD: Hellena Tried to Restore Her Timeline

By Packie Williams

The NRPD have determined that Hellena stole an undisclosed item from ATOM Labs yesterday with the purpose of restoring her timeline.  And she likely caused the déjàvu that many people felt as well.

Hellena is the evil alternate timeline version of superhero Titana, who was brought to our timeline during one of Titana’s adventures.  The circumstances of that adventure have never been fully disclosed to the public.  But Hellena, who sacrificed herself to Hades to save the Amazons from Napoleon and turned evil as a result, has been a fixture in our timeline for the past eight years nonetheless.

The item stolen from ATOM Labs may’ve been activated inside the labs by Hellena or one of her associates, who were seen but not apprehended.  A source within the NRPD has indicated that the déjà vu experienced around the world was likely caused by Hellena trying to restore her timeline in the past.  So far all indications are preliminary, but given Hellena’s continued quest to return to her timeline, it’s a safe bet she was behind it.

No one at ATOM Labs is confirming the suspicions, and Dr. Amazing, a co-founder of ATOM Labs, has not spoken since the incident.  Hellena is currently being held in Granite Prison in a depowering room.

Déjà vu Rocks City

By Falco Rockbert

New Romford was hit with a sudden case of déjà vu yesterday afternoon at around 3:15.  Seemingly everyone in the area felt like they had experienced the same event happen twice at the same time.

Martin Grainger, a.k.a. Dr. Amazing of The Amazings, felt the déjà vu as well and even recorded it.  “We have very precise clocks here at Grainger Tower,” he said, “and we somehow saw a tiny blip occur at the 3:14:35 mark of two microseconds.  It’s like time stopped and then restarted.”

The blip was so brief that it could hardly be said to have occurred at all, said Dr. Amazing, but it seems that everyone in the world, and not just New Romford, felt it.  The déjà vu caused sudden bursts of disorientation, disrupting activities.   Reports have come in of car accidents in most U.S. cities and in Canada and Mexico.  A 40-car pile-up was reported in Los Angeles.  A Parliament session in London was halted for an hour, and planes nearly collided mid-air in Germany.

As for what caused the déjà vu is uncertain.  Dr. Amazing is still investigating the blip with the aid of scientists from around the world.  But he said the most likely cause was a reset of the timestream.

“I’d bet someone came back from the future to stop some event from happening,” he said.  “Whatever this event was probably was the trigger for a series of events that lead up to a terrible future.  When that happens, the timestream is reset to a different path, and that usually leads to a brief sense of déjà vu.  The last time I can remember this happening—or rather the last time it’s happened in this timestream—was seven years ago on New Year’s Eve.”

On December 31, 2004, a helicopter inexplicably crash landed on Bette Midler, crippling her from the waist down, during a performance at Carnegie Hall.  Eight people died of unusual causes that night, and no cause of the déjà vu was discovered.

No casualties have been reported from yesterday.

Alligator Skin Outbreak in the Heights

By Muffy Borgeron

Professor Alan Guinness

An outbreak of alligator skin has spread throughout the Heights in the past week, and residents are advised to get vaccinated.

Alligator skin was a relatively benign disease that sprang up in the 70’s when New Romford University professor, Alan Guinness, was attempting to regenerate body parts in humans using reptilian DNA.  His experiments backfired when he was turned into an anthropomorphic alligator.  Initially, he ravaged NRU campus before being stopped by the Tarantula-Man and Dr. Amazing.  Dubbed “The Gator,” Guinness was able to regain control of his feral instincts but not his human form.  But his rampage spread the disease alligator skin, which slowly transforms a human’s skin into rough alligator-type skin but doesn’t transform them into rampaging lizard monsters.

“I thought I had eradicated this disease years ago,” said Professor Alan Guinness, who still teaches biology at NRU.  “Dr. Amazing and I created a vaccine for it, and it was seemingly gone by the 90’s.  It became just another vaccine for children to get along with measles, mumps, and dragon pox.  But then people thought they contributed to autism, and now look where we are.

“Turning into an alligator is what you get for not vaccinating your children.”

Indeed, most of the cases have been reported in children under the age of twelve.  Health officials are trying to treat the disease as best they can but say that the best defense is prevention.  Guinness and his students have been creating new batches of the vaccine non-stop all week.

Atlantis-Peace Force Meeting to Begin at 9am

By Stan Hopewell

File photo:  King Morn A'Ganor

The Atlantis-Peace Force Meeting is set to start in an hour, and downtown New Romford is abuzz with activity.  The NRPD has barricaded Trevor Rd, 31^st St, and 4^th Ave to make a clear path for the Atlanteans.  Adonis, Titana, and Dr. Amazing are waiting at the docks to greet King Morn A’Ganor and his Royal Circle, along with Senator Saluzzi and Secretary of State Clinton.  The rest of the Peace Force is waiting at PFHQ.

Adonis and Titana could not be reached for comment, but Dr. Amazing was able to step away for a few moments.  “I think we can expect a thorough and engaging discussion today,” he said.  “King Morn is a very smart man and always has the best and brightest in his Circle, so I predict a spirited discussion.”

Asked about the possibility of the Atlantis Underway, Dr. Amazing was excited but subdued.  “This would be an amazing project.  So many ideas and goods could be exchanged with this, but unfortunately, it’s also an expensive endeavor.  We’ll have to see how the government and Atlanteans approach it and go from there.”

Behind the police barricades are hundreds of onlookers and Atlantean fans, waiting for a glimpse of the Visitors from Down Below.  Several of them are dressed up in Atlantean clothing, some are holding up signs they’ve made (some written in Atlantean), and everyone has their phone or camera out.

But not everyone is so excited.  Most of the store keepers along Trevor Rd grumbled about the intrusion.  “I have to deal with this every year,” said Sal Coulton.  “Nobody wants to buy my seafood when they’re around.  Everybody thinks it’s their cousins or something.  But guess what?  They eat fish, too.”

In the rest of New Romford, it’s business as usual when the Atlanteans emerge.  “There’s always something like this going around town,” said Julie McCalister, owner of Floral Dreams, just a few blocks off the barricaded roads.  “Yesterday, it was bug people.  Today, it’s fish people.  I’m sure tomorrow will be some other kind of people.

“Nothing we can do about it, so we just carry on.  Just another day in New Romford.”

Birther Denies Own Birth, Ceases to Exist

By Falco Rockbert

Leeds resident, John Mahoney, 43, who denied that President Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, began to question his own birth and thought himself out of existence.

John had been questioning Obama’s birthplace for years now, according to friends and family, despite evidence that confirmed Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.  “He just wouldn’t listen,” said Mary Mahoney, his visibly distraught wife.  “It was ridiculous, of course, but John’s a stubborn man.  I didn’t think it would lead to this.”

Mary said she tried to get her husband off this conspiracy theory numerous times.  They examined Obama’s long form birth certificate and local Hawaiian newspapers that announced the president’s birth to no avail.  When Dr. Amazing allowed the one-time trip to 1961 Honolulu for journalists, politicians, and civilians who won a lottery (approved by the president and done by Dr. Amazing to stop the thousands of daily requests to go back to that time), Mary entered their names.  They were selected, and the Mahoneys and a friend went back in time.  “That trip cost us $10,000,” said his friend, Travis Buckner, “and he still didn’t believe it.  I mean, he saw Obama actually being born in Honolulu, and [he] still denied it.”

When they returned home, nothing could persuade John, and that was when Mary and his friends had had enough.  “I can’t remember exactly what was said,” his wife said, “but Travis was livid.  He said something like, ‘Well, how do you know you were born where you said you were?  How do you know you weren’t born in China?’  Then John just got really quiet and took a walk.”

Weeks passed as friends say John was a different person.  “He was quieter than normal,” said his neighbor, Carl Masterson.  “Usually he’s talking your ear off, but he just didn’t talk.  He seemed shaken.”

Mary remembered he took walks alone and stared, blankly, at the TV.  The last few days, he stayed home from work, sick.  He had a fever and vomited and mumbled to himself.  “He said something like, ‘How do I know I’m not Chinese?  I really like Panda Express,’” said Mary.  “I thought he was just having a hard time facing reality, like it was a physical reaction.  I thought he’d get over it eventually, but it just got worse.” 

Last night, John started to violently tremble.  Mary dialed 911, and on the phone recording, John could be heard saying, “I can’t prove that I exist.  Therefore, I don’t exist.”  According to Mary, John seemed to fold in on himself, forming a single dot, and then he was gone with an audible blip.   John Mahoney had thought himself out of existence.

Dr. Amazing and ATOM Labs scientists examined the Mahoneys’ residence for clues but found none.  “I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before,” said Dr. Amazing.  “I’ve always respected the power of the human mind, but this is just incredible!  I mean, it’s tragic, of course, but this is just so fascinating.  I have no idea what happened here!”

Mary is staying with her mother in White Valley while the investigation continues.  It’s unknown whether her husband’s life insurance policy covers this as it could be construed as a suicide and therefore ineligible for benefits.

President Obama had no comment.

Future Farm Tower One Complete

by Packie Williams

Future Farm, Tower One, is completed and open for business according to Martin Grainger, a.k.a. Dr. Amazing.  The 120-floor skyscraper is the first of five structures in Heights Park.  It is a project funded by billionaire industrialist Thomas McDowell and designed by Dr. Amazing aimed at producing food for the city of New Romford by using limited space.

“One of the greatest challenges we as humanity will have to face,” said Dr. Amazing, “is being able to feed everyone as our population grows.  As we have expanded outwards, our farmland is being devoured, so we have to build farms up instead of out.”

The project started construction five years ago after several false starts due to land usage and funding issues.  Thomas McDowell stepped in to fund the entire project after approaching Dr. Amazing himself.

“I heard of the Doctor’s vision,” said McDowell, “and I wanted to help in any way that I could.  It took some doing to get the funding in place because I knew this project would help out so many people.  Now, I’m so happy to see it up and running.”

Tower One will produce corn, wheat, rice, lettuce, carrots, potatoes, and tomatoes for the majority of the floors while herbs and spices will take up fewer levels.  The atrium will raise cattle, pigs, and chickens.  Several floors will also be used for research and development, though Dr. Amazing won’t disclose what he is researching.

Dr. Amazing hopes to harvest his crops in five to six months.  “It’ll depend on how quickly they grow,” he said.  “We have a special fertilizer that should speed up the process, but we’ll see how that goes.”  Asked if this was the same fertilizer that turned the then-infant Jacob Park and his dog Nipper into 50-foot giants last year that resulted in the destruction of Essex Town, the Doctor gave no comment.

Towers Two to Five are still currently in construction.  They are expected to open one at a time over the next several years.