‘Normal Man’ Still Recovering From Chemical Bath

By Muffy Borgeron

Gil Heredia, the ATOM Labs maintenance worker who fellinto a vat of chemicals a couple weeks ago, is still recovering from his burns and, strangely, still hasn’t gained superpowers.

“Gil’s still in a medically-induced coma,” said ATOM Labs scientist, Carlos Montero, “and we’re doing our best to heal his burns, but now he has internal damage to his organs.  That chemical vat was a toxic brew, and frankly, everyone here is just surprised he hasn’t grown fur or bat wings.”

“At the very least, he should’ve grown a third eye by now.”

Heredia’s family is remaining quiet as they hope he recovers from his wounds.  Matt Laredo, the family spokesman, has requested privacy through this trying time.  “The Heredias understand the intrigue surrounding their husband and father of two.  Right now, the family asks for your prayers and hopes everyone can learn a valuable lesson that chemicals are not a reliable source of superpowers.”

Indeed, the city seems to be rocked by the news of Heredia’s fate.  Sales of gas masks and hazmat suits have tripled in the past weeks, and traffic around ATOM Labs and other chemical plants has dipped substantially.  “It’s like people just realized this stuff was dangerous,” said Heredia’s manager, Lauren Paladio.  “I wouldn’t say people were jumping into chemicals before this, but I think people were less cautious because they thought, ‘Hey, if I get sprayed by chemicals from a truck accident, then at least I’ll get something cool out of it.’  Poor Gil, he’s just a normal man.  Hopefully, this will be a teachable moment for people.”

“Even still, maybe he’ll wake up and have telekinesis or something.”

Man Doesn’t Gain Superpowers After Fall into Vat of Chemicals

By Muffy Borgeron

Gil Heredia

It was a strange day at ATOM Labs when maintenance worker, Gil Heredia, fell into a vat of chemicals but did not gain superpowers.

Heredia, 54, was making his normal rounds of the day when he entered one of the many chemical storage rooms.  A longtime ATOM Labs employee, he is usually careful, said his manager Lauren Paladio, but accidents happen.  “Gil was mopping up the walkway that goes over the vats of chemicals,” she said, “like he does everyday.  He wears slip-resistant shoes, like everyone must, but according to the security camera, he just tripped over his bucket.

“I’m just thankful he’s still alive, but frankly, I’m surprised that he hasn’t gained superpowers.”

Exposure to chemicals is one of the leading causes of attaining superpowers.  The UN estimates half the world’s superhuman population gained their powers by this method.  “At the very least, he should have some physical mutation,” said ATOM Labs scientist, Carlos Montero.  “Like tentacles for legs or blue fur.  But so far, nothing.  His skin is just burned, which is not a mutation.  Certainly, I’m grateful he’s alive, but the fact he hasn’t grown horns and a tail confuses me.  Maybe it’ll take time.”

Heredia is currently being monitored by the ATOM Labs Biology Division.  His wife and two sons joined him in his room, but he is in a medically-induced coma while his body heals from his burns.  Scientists expect a long recovery.