Meeting Attendees Aware of Speedster Incident

By Stan Hopewell

Reports have been flying in of Speedster chasing Lightning Bug through East Town.  So far, the Peace Force and Atlanteans don’t seem worried.

The Lightning Bug, who may’ve blown up an apartment at the Verzatt Estates, was spotted somewhere in East Town by Speedster.  A chase has ensued, but the Peace Force members here at PFHQ have reassured everyone that she can handle it.  “Speedster is very capable of taking care of Lightning Bug on her own,” said Cloudwalker.

Apparently, she was also supposed to attend the meetings today, seeing as she’s a Peace Force member as well, but was told to investigate the Verzatt incident.  Rumors had been swirling of the Lightning Bug, a.k.a. Horace Wagner, setting up shop in New Romford.

Cloudwalker assured that everyone in and around PFHQ was safe.  More information to come.

Ghost Writer “Sweatshop” Busted in Little India

By Falco Rockbert

Today, the NRPD busted a “sweatshop” that employed ghosts to write paranormal teen romance novels around the clock.  The NRPD were tipped off by the strange noises coming from the basement of the Stivenson Building on Gerhard Street in Little India.

“It was an unusual sound,” said Officer Laura Carter.  “I was parked next to the building, checking my computer when I heard it.  The only way I can describe it was unearthly.”

Inside, a trio of necromancers, Lawrence Constatine, Mary Woolen Cloverfield, and Cantor Merlinson the Mighty (real name Jason Dinkleman), magically held over 100 ghosts in front of laptops.  They were startled by the NRPD and couldn’t cast a spell quick enough to protect them from the officers’ clubs and pepper spray.  When the ghosts were freed, several of them floated away, but the majority remained with the police to explain the situation.

“They forced us to write terrible paranormal teen romance novels,” said the ghost of Larry Stephens, a grocery worker who died in 1965.  “I didn’t even know this was a genre until they locked me in here.” 

The necromancers supposedly took the novels the ghosts wrote and sold several of them to publishers under the pseudonyms H.M. Marley, J. Georgia Carolina, Paul Pryorman, and Tristram Shandy among others.  According to the ghosts, they were responsible for over 30 published novels, including Love Bite, Werewolfopolis, I Heart Zombie, and The Yorkshire Hemophiliacs Society series. The publishing houses that bought the books did not comment.

“I’ve never written anything while I was alive,” said the ghost of Janice McDunnon, a farmer who died in 1943.  “In fact, I could barely read and write.  Back then, women didn’t always get such a good education like they do these days.  But it didn’t matter to them none.  They just wanted more books, and it’s not like we need to sleep or eat or nothing.”

Indeed, it appeared that the three necromancers took shifts during the day, and there were at least two more necromancers according to the ghosts.  The only breaks the ghosts got were to upload their manuscripts to a main server.  “This whole bloody affair was just awful,” said the ghost of Winston Cobblepot, an English hotel owner who died in 1891.  “Do you know how many damned vampire romance novels I had to write?  Twelve!  When did vampires become romantic?  Vampires are terrible, awful creatures that ruin your village, decimate your livestock, and tip horribly.”

Despite the enslavement, the necromancers may get off easy in court.  Ghosts are not a protected class in the legal system, so technically, no laws were broken.  But they could face up to 1-3 years in prison if the publishing houses were to press fraud charges.  As for the ghosts themselves, they were free to go complete whatever task they needed so they could finally rest in peace.  All left except for one lone ghost who kept typing at his laptop.

“Oh, that’s T.S. Eliot,” said the ghost of Winston Cobblepot.  “He was the only one who never complained, but they never took what he wrote.  He could never quite do what they wanted, that chap.”

First Meetings Wrapping Up

By Stan Hopewell

The first meetings are wrapping up at around 1pm as U.S. officials, Peace Force members, and Atlanteans are trickling into the main hall of PFHQ.  The meetings are taking a break for lunch as the Peace Force has laid out a five-star buffet of American and French dishes along with several Atlantean dishes.  The royal couple was not present.

Reporters were allowed to ask questions after a half-hour lunch.  Senator Jan Holloway wasn’t able to go into too many details but stated that progress was being made.  “Mostly, we’ve been discussing pollution levels so far,” she said.  “We’ve got our numbers, and they have theirs.  Not much has been done just yet.”

Peace Force member Cloudwalker reiterated much of the same.  “Most of the meetings have been preliminary,” he said.  “We’re getting all of our facts together.  There’s nothing more I can say at the moment, but I feel we’ve started on the right foot.”

The Atlanteans seem hopeful for their part as well, though understanding their broken English is difficult at times.  The general mood, though, is one of hopeful progress that will continue on throughout the day and onward to Washington tomorrow where King Morn will meet with the President.

At roughly 2:15 pm, everyone went back inside to continue the meetings.  Reportedly, King Morn and his wife had live octopi brought to them so they could kill the creatures themselves as is their custom.

More to come later today.

Dead Rapper Returns As Android

By Packie Williams

File photo:  Mic-D

CHICAGO – Late rapper Mic-D returned onstage at a concert for long-time collaborator, Gray Matter, in the guise of an android.

Gray Matter was performing the song, “Hilltop Love,” when he brought the Mic-D android out on stage.  “Hilltop Love” is one of the many collaborations between the two famed rappers, and up until now, had always been performed by one of Gray Matter’s road MCs or, occasionally, another famous rapper at a music festival or awards show.

Mic-D, whose real name was Trevor Willis, died in 1997 from a gunshot wound while partying in Miami.  No one was ever charged for the apparent homicide, and his death sent shockwaves throughout the hip hop community.  Willis became a symbol to music fans all across the world as he rapped about his life, growing up poor in Los Angeles and struggling to deal with racism, poverty, and fame.  He was posthumously inducted into the Rock ‘N Roll Hall of Fame in 1998 and named one of Rolling Stone Magazine’s most influential artists of the 20^th Century.

Now, he is an android, rapping from a music file embedded in his cybernetic brain.

At first, concert-goers were thrilled to see a robotic simulation of the beloved rapper on stage.  “I thought he had come back to life,” said Jennifer Rodgers.  “I mean, superheroes come back to life all the time, right?  But there’s was just something off about him.  He was too good, too on his game, you know?  His movements were weird.”

“Of course, he’s going to look robotic,” said Gray Matter after the concert.  “He’s a robot for Christ’s sakes.  But he’s the best damn robot you’ll ever see.  It’s like Mic-D came back to life!”

As concert-goers began to realize that Mic-D was resurrected as an android, devoid of the humanity that endeared him to his fans, they grew uncomfortable.  “This just feels weird,” said Matt Humel.  “It’s one thing to come back to life, but this is just wrong.”

“Did his family know about this?” said Tony Chard.  “Did we pay for this?  I feel kind of gross having paid for this weird robot thing of Mic-D.  The man was a legend.  Can’t we leave well enough alone?”

Gray Matter dismissed all suggestions that he was taking advantage of his late friend.  “Look, his death was one of the greatest losses the world has seen,” he said.  “His music is still played on radio to this day, bringing joy to millions of people.  I’m just doing my part to bring more joy to those people by making him a super cool android.”

Asked about whether Willis’s family signed off on this, Gray Matter said he had to go.

PFHQ Abuzz with Activity

By Stan Hopewell

The Peace Force-Atlantis Meeting has gotten underway at Peace Force Headquaters.  The Royal Circle is talking with their counterparts in the U.S. cabinet and state department over hors d’oeuvres in the main hall.  Various members of the Peace Force are chatting with the Atlanteans as well, but Adonis, Titana, and Secretary of State are separated on the balcony with the royal couple.

The press has been allowed to wander around as this opening hour is left open to the public.  So far, most of the Atlanteans have kept their conversations with reporters brief as many of them aren’t fluent in English.  Aja N’jorna, who is part of the Atlantean city project council, was the best English speaker of the Royal Circle and most open to comment.

“I believe much good can be done today,” she said.  “Our benevolent King Morn is wise and honorable, and the Peace Force is great force for good.”  Asked about whether she thought the Atlantis Underway could be built, she said, “Yes, I think it can.  Atlantis has wonderful engineers, and you overlanders have the great Dr. Amazing.  There is none reason we cannot build it.”

After an hour of mingling, Adonis and King Morn called for everyone’s attention from the balcony.  Adonis said, “Thank you everyone for coming.  It is always a great pleasure to have our friends, the Atlanteans, here in our home.”  He spoke for another few minutes, greeting specific members of the Royal Circle, and offered the King a chance to speak.

“You overlanders have been most gracious to us this day,” said King Morn, “and I thank you.”

Adonis thanked everyone again and encouraged the press to hang around the main hall until later in the day.  Then, the Peace Force, Atlanteans, and U.S. officials retreated into various hallways and rooms for their meetings.

More information to come throughout the day.

Quinton School for Young Superheroes Blows Up on First Day

By Buffy Bolivar

File photo

It couldn’t even last one day.

The Quinton School for Young Superheroes, which was reopened by the Muskrat yesterday, blew up on its first day of the new semester.  According to eyewitnesses in Carterson, Pop Man attacked the campus with explosive beach balls, one of his new explosive devices.  But the Muskrat, his staff, and his students were able to subdue Pop Man with relative ease.

Reached for comment, the Muskrat only replied with “No comment,” but did later confirm that all of the students and staff were safe.

Professor Stratosphere was the only staff member to comment on the attack.  “We should expect this each and every day, honestly,” he said through his filtered globe helmet.  “That’s why I’ve built these buildings out of nanites.  They’ll automatically rebuild themselves after being destroyed, so we should be back to normal in a few days.

“Well, what passes for ‘normal’ around here anyway.”

Pop Man was handed over to Britain’s MI-666 so he could be returned to Broadspire Prison outside of London, where he escaped from a month ago.

King Morn A’Ganor Greeted at Docks

By Stan Hopewell

Left to right:  Titana, Adonis, King Morn, Queen Rosn'elia

A little after 9am, the Atlanteans arrived at pier 34 as the M’ranic surfaced from Winston Bay.  Several Atlantean troops, wearing the country’s patented SCOBA devices around their gilled necks, exited the giant ship to form a royal procession for their king.

Morn A’Ganor, along with his wife, Rosn’elia, exited the M’ranic to greet Adonis and Titana.  They had a small conversation at the pier, and then greeted Mayor Lawrence and the U.S. officials before entering their limousine with some of their Royal Circle.  As the limousine drove down Trevor Rd, King Morn and Queen Rosn’elia waved to the onlookers behind the police barricades.

The rest of the Royal Circle joined the U.S. officials in their limousines and proceeded to follow the royal couple.  Adonis and Titana flew away to PFHQ while Dr. Amazing wrapped his arms around two light posts and slingshot himself into the air in the form of a bouncing ball.

The remaining Atlanteans stayed with the M’ranic.  More to come later today from PFHQ.

Dracula Wins Transylvanian Election

By Buffy Bolivar

CLUJ – In a decisive victory, Transylvanian Prime Minister Dracula won reelection for the 28^th consecutive time, continuing his 220 year reign.  He defeated the Full Moon Party candidate, Dinu Nicolescu, a werewolf, with 61% of the vote.

While publicly campaigning on jobs, infrastructure, and lower taxes on blood imports, Dracula ran a dirty campaign.  Nicolescu complained about attack ads aimed at him and his werewolf nature, calling them “disgraceful and discriminatory against my Lupine-kind”.  Nicolescu’s werewolf half also made several complaints about Dracula’s tactics during the full moon, usually by scratching notes into walls and howling at the moon.

Before Nicolescu, no werewolf had ever run for Prime Minister, and only 14% of Parliament is Full Moon.  “Many Transylvanians are wary of the werewolves,” said New Romford political scientist, Maria Stephens.  “It’s been over thirty years since the werewolf rights movement happened in that country, yet they still have reservations about their leaders tearing up the place once a month.  Not to mention the shedding.”

Dracula insists he ran a proper campaign and scoffs at the idea he engaged in dirty politics.  “My opponent is a werewolf, and 30% of our populace is Lupine,” he said.  “As Prime Minister, I must lead and protect all of my people regardless of if they’re human, vampire, werewolf, golem, or minotaur.  All creatures are welcome in Transylvania.”

Exit polls show that the main concern for voters was the economy with unemployment reaching 11% last month.  Nicolescu promised to lower taxes on the wealthiest Transylvanians to encourage job creation, an issue 57% of Transylvanians disagreed with, and pledged to increase taxes on silver and wolfsbane, both of which received less support.  Voters were clear in wanting to stay the course with Dracula, supporting his call for better roads, increased mining in the Carpathians, and monthly blood-tasting parties at his villa near the Turda Gorges.

“What can I say,” said Stephens.  “Dracula throws the best parties.”

Atlantis-Peace Force Meeting to Begin at 9am

By Stan Hopewell

File photo:  King Morn A'Ganor

The Atlantis-Peace Force Meeting is set to start in an hour, and downtown New Romford is abuzz with activity.  The NRPD has barricaded Trevor Rd, 31^st St, and 4^th Ave to make a clear path for the Atlanteans.  Adonis, Titana, and Dr. Amazing are waiting at the docks to greet King Morn A’Ganor and his Royal Circle, along with Senator Saluzzi and Secretary of State Clinton.  The rest of the Peace Force is waiting at PFHQ.

Adonis and Titana could not be reached for comment, but Dr. Amazing was able to step away for a few moments.  “I think we can expect a thorough and engaging discussion today,” he said.  “King Morn is a very smart man and always has the best and brightest in his Circle, so I predict a spirited discussion.”

Asked about the possibility of the Atlantis Underway, Dr. Amazing was excited but subdued.  “This would be an amazing project.  So many ideas and goods could be exchanged with this, but unfortunately, it’s also an expensive endeavor.  We’ll have to see how the government and Atlanteans approach it and go from there.”

Behind the police barricades are hundreds of onlookers and Atlantean fans, waiting for a glimpse of the Visitors from Down Below.  Several of them are dressed up in Atlantean clothing, some are holding up signs they’ve made (some written in Atlantean), and everyone has their phone or camera out.

But not everyone is so excited.  Most of the store keepers along Trevor Rd grumbled about the intrusion.  “I have to deal with this every year,” said Sal Coulton.  “Nobody wants to buy my seafood when they’re around.  Everybody thinks it’s their cousins or something.  But guess what?  They eat fish, too.”

In the rest of New Romford, it’s business as usual when the Atlanteans emerge.  “There’s always something like this going around town,” said Julie McCalister, owner of Floral Dreams, just a few blocks off the barricaded roads.  “Yesterday, it was bug people.  Today, it’s fish people.  I’m sure tomorrow will be some other kind of people.

“Nothing we can do about it, so we just carry on.  Just another day in New Romford.”