By Falco Rockbert
 |
| File photo |
NEW YORK – Despite all evidence to the contrary, business
magnate Donald Trump claimed today that President Obama was a clone.
For months Trump has been questioning the president’s
legitimacy as an American citizen. Last
year he sent a team to Hawaii to investigate Obama’s birth certificate,
claiming that it was “missing.” The
following week the White House release the president’s long form Certificate of
Live Birth from Hawaii, hoping to put the “controversy” to rest.
It stayed alive, of course. Trump and other birthers had requested on a
daily basis to use Dr. Amazing’s time machine to see the president’s birth for
themselves. Eventually, Dr. Amazing
relented, and, with the approval from the president with assurances nothing
would be altered, he allowed journalists, politicians, and selected civilians
to witness Obama’s birth in Honolulu in 1961.
Trump tagged along, footing half of the $10 million to operate the
machine. Most of the time travelers came
back satisfied that President Obama was an American citizen (apart from the tragic fate of John Mahoney). Trump was
not.
“This proves nothing,” said Trump in an interview with
Fox News. “All this shows is that Obama
was born in Hawaii but not that he is who he says he is. There’s a lot of time from when he was born
to now. How do we know he isn’t a
clone? We don’t. In this world of supervillains and weirdoes,
we’ve had hundreds of clones. Even of
superheroes. How do we know the
president isn’t a clone of some nefarious party?”
While superheroes have been known to be switched with
clones in the past, today they have methods of detecting such things. Tarantula-Man was infamously switched with a
clone over 20 years ago, a saga that wrecked his life. It took him years to salvage his reputation,
but a method to detect clones was discovered by ATOM Labs.
“This is ludicrous,” said ATOM Labs professor, Sarah
McLane. “We scan every member of
Congress, every member of the Supreme Court, and every member of the White
House once a week. There are no clones
in Washington.”
Trump was not swayed by this. “Clearly, they’re in cahoots with the
president,” he said. “Why don’t they let
the public see this? Why is this behind
closed doors? I tried to go in and see
it, but they turned me away. They’re
hiding something.”
McLane says that the Clone Detector is available to view
on the ATOM Labs tour but confirmed that they turned Trump away. “We didn’t let him in because he was
harassing everybody,” she said. “This is
a place for learning, sharing ideas, expanding human knowledge. Not browbeating everyone who disagrees with
you.”
“Plus, his hair was scaring children.”
