By Falco Rockbert
NEW YORK – Not content with seeing President Obama be
born in person, business magnate Donald Trump now claims the president is from
a parallel universe. And he is spending
millions to prove it.
“How many parallel universes are there in the multiverse?”
said Trump to the New York Times.
“Infinite, right? How do we know
the president wasn’t switched at birth with an evil version of himself? Did anyone take pictures of him as a baby
with a goatee? We haven’t seen it
because they’re hiding something from us, and I intend to prove it.”
The multiverse is an ever-expanding field of study in
cosmology as new parallel universes are discovered every year. ATOM Labs has notated at least 12,000
different parallel universes in the past sixty years. Many superheroes that reside in our universe,
dubbed Universe-Prime, came from parallel universes, including Total Woman,
Laser, and the android Qu8N-J. A
parallel universe can be different in subtle ways, where green means stop on
traffic lights (Universe 2,144), or in significant ways, where the sun is green
and lizards rule the world (Universe 8,401).
Access to dimensional portals is restricted all around
the world thanks to the Dimensional Portal Agreement of 1988. To operate such a machine requires extensive
inspection by the UN Superhuman Security Panel, and most would-be dimension
hoppers are shut down before they even get started. Iran tried to setup their own dimensional
portal for “scientific reasons” in 2007, but they were shut down through several
sanctions and a special “spray” Dr. Amazing made rendering an area immune to
portal generation. Even building a
portal detector to determine if objects came from Universe-Prime requires
scrutiny as it could still be used to generate portals.
Somehow, Trump is passing all the inspections. “We have nothing to hide here,” he said. “The UN and Dr. Amazing are all welcome to
watch us build the Trump Portal Detector at any time of the day.”
A dozen floors in the Trump Tower have been converted
from retail space to the Trump Portal Detector, and every UN inspector says
it’s compliant. “He’s following every
mandate,” said inspector Thomas Gundel.
“The walls have been reinforced to sustain the pressure, the iridium is
purified, and the whole room is spotless.
And gold. That’s not really a
necessity, but it’s as Mr. Trump wants it.”
Trump expects the Trump Portal Detector to be completed
in a couple months. The White House had
no comment.
